Letter to Porn Watching Dad

Letter to Porn Watching Dad (Re-Post Link below)

Dear Dad,

I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this effects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.

I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.

Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.

As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.

As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face.

When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life.

I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.

If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us.

Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.

Love, Your Daughter

*This has been posted anonymously due to the nature of the topic.*

http://www.faithit.com/an-open-letter-to-the-dad-looking-at-porn/#.VI7oQ7FOyvg.facebook

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The Problem of Pleasure by Ravi Zacharias

Ravi Zacharias speaks on the problem of pleasure.

The Problem of Pleasure Part 1 of 4 – http://www.rzim.org/just-thinking-broadcasts/the-problem-of-pleasure-part-1-of-4-2/

The Problem of Pleasure Part 2 of 4 – http://www.rzim.org/just-thinking-broadcasts/the-problem-of-pleasure-part-2-of-4-2/

The Problem of Pleasure Part 3 of 4 – http://www.rzim.org/just-thinking-broadcasts/the-problem-of-pleasure-part-3-of-4-2/

The Problem of Pleasure Part 4 of 4 – http://www.rzim.org/just-thinking-broadcasts/the-problem-of-pleasure-part-4-of-4-2/

Masturbation or Gratifying the Flesh?

This article tries to get down to the core issue; if masturbation is a sin. Here are two testimony’s of people who have struggled with addiction to self gratification. I have not made up my mind on the topic, but I want to share this to see what others opinions are on the matter.

If you don’t have time to read the article read the below testimonies and tell me what you think in the comments.

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/resources/article/masturbation-doorway-slavery/

One is from a gentleman in his last week of The Way of Purity course, and he is now set free from slavery to masturbation. He writes this testimony:

“My problems began when our youth pastor told me that the Bible does not mention masturbation, therefore God must not condemn it. He told us that as long as we were masturbating with thoughts of our future spouse then we were not sinning. My masturbation began slowly—only using it once a week or so. I felt guilty, like I was giving in to sin rather than denying the flesh, but my pastor said it was a helpful tool, and that it even prevented sex crimes when used correctly. Gullible as I was, I believed him. I soon began discovering that offering the parts of my body to self-gratification did not permanently decrease desire or relieve pressure–quite the opposite–the more I masturbated, the more I engaged in it.

I honestly do not know what happened–one day I had just finished masturbating along side a farm road, for the 3rd time that day, when it dawned on me that I was a slave to masturbation. What started innocently, and with the full approval of a religious authority, trapped me into a vice that completely choked out all spiritual life in me.

Oh how I wish that pastor had preached the Word correctly, even if it would have made him less popular. I wish he had explained to me that unless I denied myself (not indulged myself) and took up my cross daily I would not be worthy to be His disciple. I wish he had told me about the principle of slavery–that we are slaves to whatever we offer ourselves to. I wish he had told me, plain and simple, that it is so much easier to totally and completely refuse masturbation–that it is not even an option for a Christian–than to attempt to ‘control it’ and ‘only use it under certain circumstances.’ If only he had not used that worn-out phrase ‘the Bible doesn’t mention it;’ and instead taught the principles of Scripture.

I am not blaming my former pastor; my own deceptive heart loved hearing what he preached, and I am responsible for my own actions. I just wish I would have had a man of God who could have helped me learn to deny and crucify, rather than rationalize and justify.”

Another enrollment in The Way of Purity Course came in as we were completing this article. This 17-year-old young man writes:

“Every time I get the urge, I can’t resist masturbation. I have tried to fight it for many years, and, although I have had a few temporary victories, I never completely defeated it. I desire to live all of my life for Christ, and this can’t be done until I defeat this fiend. I also want to remain pure for my future wife, and if I continue down this path, I know that wish will not become true.”

What do you think about this?

For Those Who Can Acknowledge They Have a Problem with Sexual Sin

There is hope of being freed from sexual sin. I know that God has set me free with a lot of hard work, time, and sacrifice.

Search your heart and see if you truly do want to quit living under the slavery of sexual addiction. Think of this, if being truly freed meant getting rid of (Facebook, Youtube, Google image search, freedom on your PC and smartphone, or even embarrassment), is it still worth it to you?….

Sacrifice for the sake of fully giving all of you to Christ always reminds me of an awesome story written by C. S. Lewis in one of his books named “The Great Divorce”. You can read it here. It’s about a “ghost” who makes up every single excuse to not be freed from sexual sin, “the red lizard”.

If we can be honest with ourselves, our flesh does not want to be freed from the grip of sexual sin. It is a comfortable place for those who are addicted. In fact, if it wasn’t comfortable then you wouldn’t return to it. There is something inside of you that wants to hold on for dear life to this comfort.

For those who do not believe this will be complete foolishness, but there is a spiritual battle which binds us to this addiction. If you do not give this over to Christ it will always feel like freedom is out of reach. The idea that sexual sin is a comfort and that our minds think its a necessity, is completely subconscious. I have found that journaling, although tedious in my experience, is very helpful to bring thoughts to the surface which have been buried and locked in our subconscious for quite some time.

There is also a physical battle against sexual sin, if we have access to this garbage we will not have strength to use self control. This is the part which takes true sacrifice. It.. Is.. not… fun.

Blocking access to something that makes us feel comfortable will not help in itself. What it will do, is put up a first defense to your own thought life.  Try to stop and ask yourself, ” Wait a second, what am I doing on this website in the first place”.

Do not be discouraged when you start to look for ways around the filters/blocks. I have found that our brains are able to trick us into justifying almost anything! Just “patch” any loopholes you find by tweaking the filters/blocks on your PC/smartphone.

Find an accountability partner that is just as passionate about helping you succeed as you are about helping them. This is another crucial element to fighting the physical battle with your “brothers/sisters in arms”. Like Aaron who held Moses’ arms up when he was too tired to continue.

For those who have tried and tried again,

1. Gain a relationship with Jesus Christ. This is the first and foremost step. If this is not completed, you will ultimately have no fruit.

2. Get rid of all access to sexual sin. (Burn, delete, destroy, etc.)

3. Put blocks/filters on your PC and/or smartphone where someone else has the password. (*I recommend K-9 web filter, and netnanny)

4. Get involved in accountability of some sort. (Friend, family, Leader at church, spouse, or online accountability.)

5. Try settingcaptivesfree.com – Free 60 day course to freedom and daily accountability partner. ( for sexual sin, smoking, drinking, eating, etc.)

6. If all else fails seek paid/free in person counseling. Often times there is something deeper that has hurt you and you are running to sexual sin to be your safe heaven (comfort). A Christian Counselor can help unveil what may be holding you back from living a life free from sexual sin.

Please, check out the free resources on the “resource tab” or click here.